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Mum, why hasn’t the cat got a willy?

Posted on Apr 6, 2016 | 31 comments

This was my 5 year old’s question to me at bedtime. He started off by asking me an innocent enough question: ‘Is the cat a girl?’ and I had said ‘no, a boy’ and then came the killer question…

The 5 year old has apparently noticed that the cat does not have a willy because he has been looking. Poor bloody cat. God only knows what kind of examination a 5 year old gives a cat to check the whereabouts of its genitalia. I dread to think.

So I said (not thinking through my answer): he is a boy, but he had it chopped off.

5 year old: Why?

Me (still not thinking): So he can’t have any babies.

At which point the 8 year old joins the conversation: But Mum, only ladies can have babies.

Me (thinking shite on a bike, what did I go and say that for): Errr, well you need a Daddy and a Mummy to have a baby. (I would like to profusely apologise to everyone out there who is reading this and thinking, what about same sex couples, surrogacy etc? I panicked. I had not had a gin, I was tired).

8 year old: But Mum,…

Me (at warp speed and sounding like I am a bit crazy): Who wants some milk then? and where on earth did I put that Harry Potter book, oh look, there it is, shall we get on with the next chapter then? Where did we get up to last night? Oh here we are look, good, right, into bed now, come on.

Jeez. I read about Harry Potter being selected to take part in the Triwizard tournament at light speed and still panicking slightly, go straight to the internet to see if I have ruined my children’s lives.

The outcome is: FPA (The UK Family Planning Association says I can talk about sex with my 5-8 year olds). Phew. So does an American organisation Advocates for youth who have a really useful parents Sex Education centre.

And then I found this post from Geek Dad – Top 10 Sex Ed books for the modern parent. And although it’s from 2014, it seemed like the best thing google could offer me – so I have bought 3 of the books on the list.

I’ll let you know how I (and the cat) get on.

Mummuddlingthrough  themumprojectRhyming with Wine



  1. I highly recommend “Mummy laid an egg” funny and age appropriate

  2. Do they take the whole lot?? I thought they just took the balls. In fairness I have a dog, not a cat, so I’m not really down on the procudure in felines… but that seems mean 😉

    Poor kitty having to be inspected so closely by a five year old! Thanks for sharing #coolmumclub

    • Oh my gawd, am going to have to go and google all that now too. Perhaps prodding the cat around his nether regions again would not be a good idea…

  3. Haha, I love that Google helped you find a top 10 list on this subject, where would we be without google these days?! good luck!

  4. Thanks for sharing, this post made me laugh. I have a two year old and he’s noticing that mommy doesn’t have a ‘wee-wee’. I only had to explain to him yet that mommies don’t have one and that only mommies have boobies.

  5. Haha this made me laugh!! Kids ask the most awkward things. Hope the books help, you’ll have to let me know what to invest in! #StayClassy

  6. Brilliant. I’ve had a few conversations along these lines.. I find my 6 year old only listens up to a point and then will switch off. I think they only absorb as much info as they can handle. It’s just finding the right words.. I look forward to hearing how the books go, I haven’t got that far yet! #stayclassy

  7. GROAN> I dread these questions. I know they’ll be coming along soon enough, so I should probably start to work on my response now! Becky x #coolmumclub

  8. Oh we have started with the whole, why do boys have willies questions, my girls are obsessed with willies and will tell anyone who is willing to listen that their baby brother has a tiny willy but daddy has a huge willy like a dinosaur! Awkward! #stayclassy

    • Ahaha. Quality. Can’t wait for that gem to come out!

  9. LOL your poor cat! But what a great bedtime question – enough to strike fear into any parent, I think you handled it rather well. Dread these questions from my two #coolmumclub

  10. My friends with older kids have had me in stitches when cringeing over ‘the talk’….bet the day comes round way too quick!
    Good luck, and remember, stay cool…
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

  11. Hehe, this is adorable, and I love how honest you are with all of us! My son is only a year old, so I don’t need to worry about those kinds of questions anytime real soon, but I always get a good giggle when parents share their funny moments. (: <3 #StayClassy

  12. Hahah thank god you had that Harry Potter book! Crisis averted. I don’t even know what I would say, I’d probably have been way to honest and said too much lol. Mine little one is still very young so let me know how the books go so I can prepare myself! Haha thanks so much for linking up with #StayClassy!

  13. This was hysterical. Thanks for sharing it. #coolmumclub

  14. I like the Usbourne books Body Parts is great and factually correct

  15. Pahahaaa this is so funny! Oh I can imagine the panic…it’s so unfair how we can say the most seemingly innocuous thing then realise that we may have impacted on our child’s psyche in some fundamental way…backtrack, backtrack! Hope the books help. I won’t be laughing when I’ve got all this to come soon I’m sure #passthesauce

    • You are so right Lucy. The panic as I realised the words which had come out of my mouth were all consuming. I really ought to learn to be quiet!

  16. I can only imagine how impressed your cat must have been at his examination! My tots are thankfully too young to start with the awkward questions just yet, but I’m so glad to know that Lord Google can be called upon to bail me out as and when the need arises!
    Thanks for sharing with #passthesauce x

  17. Oh this is hilarious – I remember before having children I thought I was going to be so cool and just discuss all these types of things so openly and easily and then when it happens – “right where’s the milk?” Just brilliant – thank you for making me smile and hope the books help! #passthesauce

    • I know! I think I am pretty liberal. I remember a conversation with my sister’s kids about how babies are born when they were about the same age as mine are now, but my kids… Oooh no, panic, flap etc

  18. Back in the days (early 80’s) in Sweden we were told of the birds and the bees in preschool when we were around 6 years old. I remember our teacher showing a filmstrip story about a family with vivid 70’s illustrations. Oh, those were the days. 🙂

    • We had to wait til we were 9 or 10 and watched some godawful video of a woman giving birth. That was it! I think we were supposed to deduce the rest for ourselves, or perhaps the gore of childbirth was supposed to put us off.

  19. Hahaha! Loving this! Looking forward to reading more.

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