We have a friend who buys fabulous gifts – original, funny and useful (that’s you Mrs Walsh). Having finally unpacked all the boxes and bags which have been stowed in cupboards since we moved (ahem, only 7 1/2 months ago…), I re-discovered the ‘I’m as big as’ height chart and we all dutifully marked our current positions:

Husband – height requirement for a sumo wrestler (173cm) who knew??? This is especially funny as he is the skinniest man on the planet, so trying to imagine him doing sumo is quite a task

son #1 – one thousandth of the height of Ben Nevis (134cm) slight shock that he has grown 7cm this year, must be all the fresh air…

son #2 – A wheelie bin (108cm) yes, really, and you can imagine how delighted he is by that! Even better than the last time we measured him when he was the height of a supermarket trolley

And me – Marilyn Monroe (166cm)

Obviously there are a lot of similarities between Marilyn and myself: – neither of us can sing; we are both Geminis and we are both amply catered for in the boob department.

I was shocked and stunned to discover that her official website lists none of our shared attributes, but instead, apparently, Marilyn was famed for her humanitarian work; intellectual abilities; artistic talents and that she was a style icon. I have tried in vain to draw some parallels. I am after all, famed for my erm 9 year marriage to my husband (that counts as humanitarian work doesn’t it, or is it him that should get the award for services to humankind for being married to me?); have a degree (albeit a 2:2 in sociology); can draw a mean stick man and have some mascara (although, I just checked it and it is a bit tar like, having gone out of date 2 years ago) and at least 2 outfits you might deem as acceptable to wear on a night out – I am assuming that having the same Boden dress in 2 colours with a matching scarf counts as being stylish???

OK, so I have a bit of work to do if I want to channel my inner Marilyn, I google tips, hmmm… oh dear, perhaps the job in hand is too big, – getting from leggings and a hoodie and brushing your hair every day or so – to movie star glamour (how on earth do other people with children manage to look so wonderful???)

Being the same height will just have to do.

And I might buy another dress in green.